Thursday, December 22, 2005

Christmas gift: Healed relationships

My wife and I were recently discussing a relationship I have, barely, with somebody I would like to be closer with. Since I felt he hadn't pursued spending time with me (I feel I'm usually the one who initiates communication and plans to get together), I decided to let it remain at the status quo. After all, I thought, why bother? Does he feel that things are fine the way they are? Maybe he's not aware of how I feel. But my wife is challenging me to not leave it at that. She suggested I wish him a Merry Christmas, and then see if he initiates something in the near future. It needs to be a two-way street.

Part of the reason I've balked at moving forward is because it's scary. Will he accuse me of putting him down, saying "So you think I don't care? How could you?" Will he say, "I don't know what you mean. Things are fine between us." Will the initial moments of communication be so awkward that I'll wonder if it's so much easier to give up and say, "Well, I tried, but that's just the way it is"?

I'm sure I could have done better in our relationship. We need to talk about it and find out where we are, why we are there, where we want to go, and how best to get there. If it's not meant to be, then that's how it will have to be. But I shouldn't leave so many questions hanging.

Initially, I was frustrated that my wife brought it up. I wanted her to commiserate with my pouting. But she has always been one who, though she loves me as I am, cares enough to want me to make the best out of life. She wants me to have the best relationships possible. I am a much better person because of her prayers, support, and encouragement. And tough love. Sometimes even us adults need tough love.

Please pray for me during this time, that I will have the words to say, the proper timing, and the love and courage with which to say them. And if you are in a similar situation, let me know and I'll pray for you too.


At 15:27, Blogger Raida said...

In regards to the comment you left on my blog, as it may be deleted before you see it...

Jeff - you may be right, my friend. For both of us...take what "anon" has said (first love yourself and take care of yourself! Then put your husband and child next. Everyone and everything else comes next....) and do our best with it.

I wish you joy and happiness. Let us be thankful for what we do have and those which do appreciate us.

As you have for I, I will pray for Jesus name - Amen.

Merry Christmas

At 16:12, Blogger Jeff said...

I do have so much to be thankful for, Raida. I'm thankful to have such a wonderful and supportive wife. God bless you and your desire to have good relationships.

At 22:25, Blogger eph2810 said...

I will keep you in my prayers, Jeff. I am happy that you wife is so supportive. By the way - does she blog too? Just curious.
In His grip,

At 10:38, Blogger Jeff said...

Thank you for your prayers, eph. No, my wife does not blog. She is, however, feeling led to write a children's book, so we'll see if somehow that gifting leads her to blog some day.

At 11:02, Blogger Joy in the Journey said...

When I send out Christmas cards each year from our family, I am amazed at how my heart desires to rekindle all of the relationships each card represents.

From high school, to college, to first job friends, etc. And then, the busyness of life and my current relationships re-establish their priority in my life.

The point is not diminishing the importantce of those prior relationships--just recognizing their proper place in the past, and then leaving them there.

I gave up on a friendship with a former college roommate many years ago. She actually introduced me to my now-husband. Although difficult at the time, an albatross was lifted from around my neck and I was free to pursue relationships where both of us could comfortably give to the other.

Please don't rule out giving up on a relationship--it may be holding you back from God's bigger and better calling to a different friendship.


At 13:03, Blogger Jeff said...

Joy, thank you for your thoughtful response. I'm willing to go wherever God leads in this relationship. If he isn't willing to try and make something from it, then I won't carry that albatross. Right now, I'm just looking to find out where it is so I can know how to proceed. I won't drag it along, though. God bless and have a wonderful Christmas.

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